Thursday, November 25

Aftermath of DaVinci Code

When I read DaVinci Code, I was so curious and excited that I searched the net for info and posted a blog immediately. But then, like many other things, the initial excitement died soon. It doesnt mean that there are no questions now, I do still have them, but only the excitement has been lost.

I was relocating after that and the process of relocating and then getting adjusted to a new place with a different language, thats taking its time and I couldnot post anything for quite few days.

When I read Davinci Code, I was totally unaware of its contents. But reading it has helped me in a way, to think different from the conventional way of thinking. Some have reacted to my earlier post. I thank them for taking their time offf to post their views. These comments have given me a new way to analyse my thoughts. I had decided at the time of writing that post only, that I should be able to take people's reaction in a cool way. Hence, I couldnot get any sort of feeling.

I was discussing this book with some colleagues and many took it the way they take other books, saying a book of fiction needs to be treated that way. But, some have shown a different reaction. Many couldnot bear the thought that Jesus might have been married.

I dont say them wrong, but there are certain things which we dont know and to stick to a single thought for such things is not my way. hence I found it amusing. All these books have been written or carried over by word of mouth. We have seen many instances of Historical data being rewritten to suit the convenience. And its a well known fact that a word tends to get distorted after going through a number of people. (Telephone game that children pla is a good example for that). I am sure many might have experienced the scenario where they receive the message they sent originally, some times in a mutiliated form.

All this does not mean to support the thought, but, there are chances that the truth for many things might be different from what we know today. And sometimes, the truth can be proved and some times not. But in allc ases, the people who were present at the time might know the truth, I say might cos there are certain classic cases where people who were present on the scene of happening does not know what happened exactly.

Anyway, its Time that has to cooperate with all the historians who are trying to find the truth, truth for many controversial issues and I wish them good luck.

Friday, October 22

Da Vinci Code

Yesterday, I was reading Da Vinci Code. I heard about the book, and brought it, but never spent on it. but, when I opened it yesterday, I couldnot sleep till I completed it.

The book was very intresting in two ways:
1. The Subject, related to religion and challenging of many established notions. * why I said notions, instead of facts, I will reveal later
2. Use of Cryptology and Matematics in the chase

Though I am called a Hindu by religion, by birth, I studied in different missionary schools, Ramakrishna Mission, Nirmalite Convents (HQ at Vatcian City, under direct influence of Pope) and some other schools. And by nature, I am intrested in history and read a lot to know things about different places.

These schools did have their effect on me, I came to know about Jesus, the differences between Catholics and protestants, the different Aspects of Hinduism, and many things. I am still a Hindu, but I learnt to enjoy the good things of other religions. This is something about me. I am telling this as the topic that I am dealing with today is avery controversial and but this is to not to hurt any one, just a quest to find the answers for questions boggling me for a while.

As a student, I learnt about the European history and also read a great deal from the Graduation books, borrowing others books. The following are the issues that have been bothering me for a long long time...

1. When we speak about Christ, we never mention that Christ is a Bachelor. Is he married or Unmarried
2. What is the role of Christ's 12 Apostles in the time after his crucification?
3. Why are two Testaments present, Old and New and why do they differ in different aspects
4. Is Jesus having any siblings
5. Where did he spend the time that he was reported to be disappearing from the Roman Empire. I read that he was seen as a young kid and then as a youngman, there is no description of his teenage.

The above are based on Bible, while the below are based on the incidents described by Historians
1.Wy did Renaissance Happen
2. Why should the Church get divided into two, Catholic and Protestant
3. What exactly were the resaons behind the various major incidents that rocked Europe from 14th century to 18th Century, Like changes in ruler of Throne of England, various movements, etc

So many things that I cant explain here. Yesterday, when I was reading the book, I was first Startled. And then it became intresting.

The book propagates a theory that Jesus was indeed married and that the whore mentioned in Biblical verses, Mary is none other than his wife, etc. It also mentioned that both Jesus and Mary belonged to a Royal Bloodline and that the line is still continuing to date.

And the proceedings of the book went on to describe about Holy Grail, Mary and her successors and the chase was an attempt to find the Holy Grail and see that its intact, untouched by people and thus hiding the secret.

The use of Crypto Analysis in finding the clues is really great and Author needs to be applauded for that.
I was still skeptical whther the contents were true or not, but then to my astonishment, when I ran a quick search in Google, I did find that many were true. The book is not completely true, it seems to be part fiction, giving asubstansial support to the notion that Jesus was married.

Please read this here to know about Priory Sion, the secret society to which Leonardo Da Vinci is said to have been a Grandmaster. And BBC is running a show on the same.

After reading all these, my doubts have increased and now, I am in a quest to find the truth, the truth behind all these things.

History is always intriguing on its part, and History is nothing but the documented version of a person or more that one person's life, either by themselves or others. history can be tweaked to suit the needs of the hour. To prove what we say, we need documented support.

And I am aare that this quest is no ending, considring the above facts. But, yes, I will do my best to find what ever I can.

I made some intresting points while reading the book, and I will present them slowly here.

Again, if my views hurt anyone, either those expressed here or those that I a m going to do, please excuse me, These are purely my personal views. If you wish to make any comments, please leave them here.

Wednesday, October 20

Management Joke

Management JokeOne person comes to a farmer and says that he wants some work and he is without food for the last two days. The farmer replies that he wants a hard working person. The person says, ‘ I am prepared to do any work’. The farmer takes him to his farm and tells him to shift a haystack from one place to another. The farmer thinks that if he can do it by evening, then he is a good worker. Then the farmer goes off to do his other work. When the farmer comes for lunch, the person has finished the job. The farmer says, ‘you are hired’.Next day he takes him to his other field. He tells him that it’s a sloping field and he has to dig up and spread the soil so as to level it. The farmer estimates that this will require two days. By evening, our efficient farm hand has finished the job.On the third day, the farmer gives him a sack of potatoes and says, ‘ Some of the potatoes are rotting. Please segregate the good ones and bad ones.’The farmer calculates that by lunch time the job should be done.When he comes back at lunch time, he is surprised to see the sack is nearly full, there are two small heaps of good and bad potatoes and the fellow is sitting there holding his head in his hands.‘Come on, what happened now, what’s the problem?’‘Sir, I am prepared to do any amount of hard work. But don’t ask me to do any decision making!’

Saturday, October 16

My fav game - Blogshares

Some time back, I was searching for a generous soul to give me a gmail invitation. was really desperate then to get one and in the search, came to Blogshares. I landed at the forum and then through the forum, I came to main site.

At first, I didnt understand what it is, but later understood that it is some game. Being a curious person, I decided to register and check it out and thus I entered the site with my name and initial balance of 500B$. I was trying to figure out the game in midst of work, and was able to make some small profits. Suddenly, one morning I found my self 30times rich and when I checked, I found that a Generous player, "Mars/irissecurities" gifted me some shares and then brought them using something called as artefact. Artefact, well something new I thought and then proceeded to discover the new things at Site. Then, slowly I grasped the game and now, I am in top 200.

Hey, I ought to give thanks to Laila for her tips and trades. She gave me a good leap in the game. Above All, I should give a special thanks to BSEC. In the month of August, during Mid August to be precise, I was suspended from game, cos, the Cheaty Pants System discovered that a single player is playing game using two different ids. Hence, I was suspended. I first got angry, then I realised the actual issue, and when I explained it to the BSEC, they accepted it and restored my status to normal. MrPilot is the one who helped me out, in the sense that his answers made me maintain my coolness. And its 'C' who supported my clarification. Thanks MrP and C.

The period of suspension has actually helped me in observing the game more clearly and also know people like Raymond, Admiral_Justin, IslandDave, JustJames, MrPilot, Arvind, Laila, RWO, MLT. My next step was to enter IRC for Blogshares. Through IRC, I came to know these people more and also Jay (Jay Campbell), AlanDean, SubWolf, KyRahJade,Eli,Linn, imsaguy, VillageIdiot and sprimal. I am still learning about them. But, yes, I do enjoy the chats and wait to have a good chat with them everyday. One more reason is that I wanna appear in ChanStats.

ChanStats are the statistics taken out of the real time chat and are really funny sometimes. The other day, AJ was showing me the lst for previous year and he is the topper with many lines last year. This year, I suspect that Raymond is going to takeover. Till now, he has been having high stats for uite sometime, from the time he joined. Soon, he may go to top, thats what I feel. Both of these as well as others are ready to help and once they know the person, the way they answer is different. How come I forgot about Arvind, the teenage guy from Dubai. He has been a member of BSEC and also a member of other teams. Recently, he quit BS for school, but is still a memberof IRC and is a cool chap.

Dave is the one who actually made me write this piece, cos he announced some contest and offered Premier Membership for the top three. And this is an effort to get it. Dave, I am writing here, and hope that it comes to the standards that you have set. Jay is the owner of this site and he takes the help of other members in running and maintaining this. He is asking us to take premier membership for supporting the bandwidth, and Jay, I promise that I would take one soon. Dave also happens to be the Leader of the Editing team and to be a member of that team, I should impress Dave first. I wanna be part of it and donno how I can do that soon?

I am really impressed by the skills of Alan. He is the main member of Math Team, the team that takes care of all validations at the site. Alan, three cheers to your skills. I wish I concetrated more on Maths instead of Computing Skills :(

Earlier,I used to spend my leisure time at various technical sites, but now, this is taking away most of time. I am getting addicted to this more and more. By the way, did I tell you what this iste is all about? This is a fictious Share market, where Blogs are treated as companies and categoriesed into differnt inndstries. Each blog generates some ideas for the industries its voted into (voting is again done by the members, moderated by the moderators). Generation of ideas is taken care by the Industry Moguls. If you own 10000 Ideas in any industry that has an artefact defined, you can create an artefact and then play game in a different level. The whole game depends on the values of Ideas, the share prices and the blogs. Voting gives you karma and chips and after reaching a certian level in karma, you can become a moderator.

RWO has started a charity on the name of Blogshares, to support the cause of children in need using the Chips, ideas and monetary cash donated by the generous players . Laila has joined him in his efforts. She is a mother of two grown up kids. A child from Phllipines is already taken care of. I hope and wish that this project would go ahead and be a success. If this game can help some needy souls, that is really great. Good Luck RWO and Laila in your efforts and I would do all that I can do for the cause.

Hey, do you guys see the Tagboard here? Its an enhanced one, which I got for free, thanks to Jay. Jay runs some raffle at BS and we have to use the chips to participate in the raffle. I am lucky to get a Tagboard, which I can use for one year :). Thanks Jay.

There is a lot to say , but then there should be a limit and hence I am closing this here. Thanks Folks for reading this patiently and please leave ur comments here. I wanna know ur feedback, on the topic as well as my style of writing.

Monday, October 11

Service Tax

Today, I was writing cheques to pay the insurance premia for myself and my sister. Then, Dad who has been observng me, told me to add 10.2% extra amount o te premium instalment that I am paying.

I was surprised and then asked im, why. Its then I realised that becos of the latest changes in Service Tax policies by Indian government, we ahve to pay service tax for Inusrance Premium also. This is really scary. The otherday I noticed my Banker charging me service tax for some of the services used by me. I was wondering why. I questioned my dad the same. He works for a Bank and when he explained me the whole fundoo behind this service tax, I opened my mouth in surprise. Cos, we are paying service tax more than once for every good we purchase and with the latest changes, we are paying large amounts towards it.

when people who are good at finance rule the nation, they always device ways to gather money from the public. My Mom was complaining for few days that the prices of consumables went up sharply and suddenly. Tamarind, which used to around 55/kg is now around 100/kg and many things like this.

I wonder when we can get back to normal life and that stays a wonder. Things always go up, but never down. Rising Cost of Petrol/Gas and Diesel, cosnumables, Fares, everything on rise except the salaries which stay the same. And companies are becoming smart that they try to decrease he salary on the name of brand.

The surprising element is that Inflation is shown to be going down. I cant understand how? Can anyone explain this logic??????

Friday, September 10

Ask Yahoo - Bermuda Triangle

The Bermuda Triangle is formed by the Bermuda Islands, southern Florida, and San Juan, Puerto Rico. A number of ships and aircraft have vanished without a trace while passing through this area. National Geographic Magazine says it's the world's greatest modern mystery.
On January 8, 1962, a
KB-50 aerial tanker disappeared over the Triangle. The press claimed the plane crashed headlong into the sea, but later reports disproved the media's account. No single piece of evidence was found. This wasn't the first spooky disappearance. The craft and crew of Flight 19 in 1945 and the NC-16002 in 1948 shared similar fates.
theories have attempted to explain the strange phenomenon. According to the magnetic variation theory, the Bermuda Triangle (one of two places on Earth where a magnet compass points true north) causes navigational instruments to go haywire and send crafts off course. Other theories claim the Triangle is a gateway to alien worlds. Still others claim the area also known as the "Devil's Triangle" is a time warp.

Saturday, August 21

Office Wisdom ...a must readddddd

1. Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

2. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

3. There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard enough.

4. Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly.

5. Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.

6. Never do today that which will become someone else's responsibility tomorrow.

7. Every time you open your mouth you have this wonderful ability to continually confirm what I think.

8. Show me a good loser and I'll show you a LOSER!

9. Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in the average office.

10. It's the team that matters. Where would The Beatles be without Ringo? If John got Yoko to play drums the history of music would be completely different.

11. What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Well, in winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.

12. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

13. Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.

14. If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.

15. If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.

16. You don't have to be mad to work here! In fact we ask you to complete a medical questionnaire to ensure that you are not.

17. If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you're trying to get them sacked.

18. If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.

19. You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.

20. If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.

21. Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.

22. There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's no 'I' in 'useless smug colleague', either. And there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'. Go figure.

23. Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.

24. Make good use of your cylindrical filing unit, the one you mainly keep under your desk.

25. Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots.

26. If you're going be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.

27. Remember the 3 golden rules:
1. It was like that when I got here.
2. I didn't do it.
3. (To your Boss) I like your style.

28. The office is like an army, and I'm the field general. You're my foot soldiers and customer quality is the WAR!!!

29. Set out to leave the first vapour trail in the blue-sky scenario.

30. Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more for leaning on than illumination.

31. A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone else's?

32. Is your work done? Are all pigs fed, watered and ready to fly?....

33. You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have to be on time, well presented, a team player, customer service focused and sober!!

34. I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some ba*tard with a torch, bringing me more work.

35. Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.

How Colour Affects Stress

How Colour Affects Stress

BLACK: The body may be less stimulated by black than by any other colors.
BLUE: Blue may elevate mood.
BROWN: Brown may be calming.
GREEN: Green color may actually increase stress.
PINK: Pink color may have such tranquillizing effects as lowering blood pressure, pulse rate and anxiety levels.
RED: Research confirms that red is an arousing, stimulating color.
YELLOW: Yellow may reduce boredom

Wednesday, August 18

Eighty Floors

There were once two brothers who lived on the 80th floor of a tall building.
On coming home one day, they realize to their dismay that the lifts were not working and that they have to climb the stairs home. After struggling to the 20th level, panting and tired, they decide to abandon their bags and come back for them the next day. They leave their bags there and then climb on............
By the time they reach the 40th level, they feel mad and irritated. The younger brother starts grumbling and thus both of them began to quarrel.
However, they continue to climb the steps, quarreling all the way to the 60th floor.
Then they realize that now they have only 20 levels more to climb and decide to stop quarreling and continue climbing in peace.
They silently climb on and reach home at long last. Each stands calmly before the door and waits for the other to open the door. But then they realize that the key was in their bag which was left at the 20th floor.........
This story is a reflection on our life and times. All of us climb the tall building called life...........some till all the 80 floors and some less.
Many of us climb under the expectations of our companion. These companions are our friends and parents till the 20th floor, then our spouse and our dear ones till the next levels of the building. We seldom get to do the things that we really like and love and are under so much pressure and stress that by the age of 20, we get tired and decide to dump this load.
Being free, we work enthusiastically and dream ambitious wishes. By the time we reach 40 years old, we start to loose our vision and dreams.
We began to feel unsatisfied and start complaining and criticizing. We live a miserable life as we are never satisfied.
Reaching 60, we realize that we have little left for complaining anymore, and began to walk the final episode in peace and calmness. We think that there is nothing left to disappoint us, only to realize that we could not rest in peace because we have an unfulfilled dream..........a dream we abandoned 60 years ago. So what's your dream.....?
Know your dreams and follow it so that you will not live with regrets.

Contributed By -

Wednesday, August 11

One day an employee sends a letter to his boss to increase his salary!!!

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$what I mean and re$pond $oon.

Your$ $incerely,
Norman $oh

Guess what was the response!!!!!

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply:

Dear NOrman,

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.

Yours truly,
Manager .

Monday, August 2

The Tea Cup

There was a couple who used to shop in a beautiful antique store. They both liked antiques and pottery, and especially tea-cups.

Spotting an exceptional cup, they asked "May we see that? We've never seen a cup quite so beautiful."

As the lady handed it to them suddenly the tea-cup spoke, "You don't understand." It said, "I have not always been a tea-cup. There was a time when I was just a lump of red clay. My master took me and rolled me pounded and patted me over and over and I yelled out, 'Don't do that. I don't like it! Let me alone', but he only smiled, and gently said; 'Not yet!!'

"Then. WHAM! I was placed on a spinning wheel and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. 'Stop it! I'm getting so dizzy! I'm going to be sick!', I screamed. But the master only nodded and said, quietly; 'Not yet.' He spun me and poked and prodded and bent me out of shape to suit himself and then...... "

Then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I yelled and knocked and pounded at the door. 'Help! Get me out of here!' I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as he shook his head from side to side, 'Not yet'.

"When I thought I couldn't bear it another minute, the door opened. He carefully took me out and put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. Oh, that felt so good! 'Ah, this is much better,' I thought. "

But, after I cooled he picked me up and he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag. 'Oh, please stop it, Stop it!!' I cried. He only shook his head and said. 'Not yet!'.

"Then suddenly he put me back in to the oven. Only it was not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I just knew I would suffocate. I begged. I pleaded. I screamed I cried. I was convinced I would never make it. I was ready to give up. Just then the door opened and he took me out and again placed me on the shelf, where I cooled and waited ------- and waited, wondering what's he going to do to me next? "

An hour later he handed me a mirror and said 'Look at yourself.' And I did. "I said, 'That's not me; that couldn't be me. It's beautiful. I'm beautiful!"'

"Quietly he spoke: I want you to remember, then,' he said, 'I know it hurt to be rolled and pounded and patted, but had I just left you alone, you'd have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled'. I know it hurt and it was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked. 'I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened. You would not have had any color in your life. If I hadn't put you back in that second oven, you wouldn't have survived for long because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. Now you are what I had in mind when I first began with you.'

The moral of this story is this: God knows what He's doing [for each of us]. He is the potter, and we are His clay. He will mold us and make us, and expose us to just enough pressures of just the right kinds that we may be made into a flawless piece of work to fulfill His good, pleasing and perfect will.

So when life seems hard, and you are being pounded and patted and pushed almost beyond endurance; when your world seems to be spinning out of control; when you feel like you are in a fiery furnace of trials; when life seems to "stink", try this.... Brew a cup of your favorite tea in your prettiest tea cup, sit down and think on this story and then, have a little talk with the Potter....

( shared by paulette->beth->yahoo mail )

The human spirit cannot be paralyzed...If you are can DREAM

How you use makes difference

Madan Mohan Malviya was trying to build a good university; he had to overcome many difficulties and barriers. He worked with determination to start the university. There was a funds crisis; but he did not get disheartened. He went from town to town, met many rich people and traders to collect donations. He went to the King to request him for funds.

The king was furious, 'How dare you come to me for funds... that too for a your university?' he roared with anger and took off his footwear and flung it at Malviya. Malviya picked up the footwear and left silently. He came directly to the market place and began to auction the footwear. As it was the king's footwear, many came forward to buy it. The price went up.

When king heard of this, he became uneasy. He thought it would be an insult if his footwear were to be bought by someone for a pittance. So he sent one of his attendants with the instruction, 'Buy that footwear no matter what the bidding price be!' Thus, Malviya managed to sell the king's own footwear to him, for a huge amount. He used that money to build the Benares University known popularly as BHU.

Moral: It is not what you have, but it is how you use what you have that makes the difference in your life.

Walmart's Test

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him,"My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Walmart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer 'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Walmart. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks."

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure.

Jack hurries back to Walmart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
Thank you for shopping at Walmart.

Trivia about Life - Did you know...

Suppose the average human life in today's world is not more than 60 years. If you analyse the break-up of activities associated with these 60 years of your life, you can see that it more or less matches with the following:

12 Years in Working
22 Years in Sleeping
04 Years in Routine Travelling
05 Years in Eating
03 Years in Bathing, Dressing etc...
06 Years in Useless Chatting, Gossip
04 Years in Sickness & Illness
Balance ? Only 4 Years

Our only question to one and all is, why should mankind think, involve in activities that result in sufferings, terror, hatred, fighting, killings etc... in the short span of 4 years left to them. It needs to be utilized in a better way by doing all good things, helping others and thanking God for the opportunity given to us in being a human being... Live and Let Live.

Thursday, July 29

Technical Skill and Creativity

An Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!"

A boy thought for a while and said, "my choice is one really difficult question."

"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this. "What comes first, Day or Night?"

The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's the DAY sir!"

"How" the interviewer asked.

"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"

He was selected for IIM!

"Technical Skill is the mastery of complexity, while Creativity is the master of simplicity....."

12 Tips for Writing a Successful Resume

1. Position title and job description.Provide your title, plus a detailed explanation of your daily activities and measurable results. Since job titles are often misleading or their function may vary from one company to another, your resume should tell the reader exactly what you’ve done.
2. Clarity dates and places.Document your work history accurately. Don’t leave the reader guessing where you were employed, or for how long. If you’ve had overlapping jobs, find a way to pull them apart on paper, or eliminate mentioning one to avoid confusion.
3. Details.Specify some of the more technical, or involved aspects of your past work or education. Have you performed tasks of any complexity, or significance? If so, don’t be shy, give one or two-sentence description.
4. Proportion.Give appropriate attention to jobs or educational credentials according to their length, or importance to the reader. For example, if you wish to be considered for a position at a bank, don’t write one paragraph describing your current job as a loan officer, followed by three paragraphs about your high school summer job as a lifeguard!
5. Relevancy.Confine your resume to that which is job-related or clearly demonstrates a pattern of success. For example, nobody really cares that your hobby is spear fishing, or that you weigh 98 kilograms, or that you belong to an activist youth group. Concentrate on the subject matter that addresses the needs of the employer.
6. Explicitness.Leave nothing to imagination. Don’t assume the resume reader knows, for example, that Hamdard University is in Karachi, or that "C.S." stands for computer science, etc.
7. Length.You should only fill up a page or two. If you write more than two pages, it becomes evident to the reader that you are unable to organize your thoughts, and that you are trying too hard to make a good impression. If the content of your resume is strong then there is no need for more than two pages.
8. Spelling, Grammar and Punctuation.Create an error free document that represents the educated person you are (or are striving to be). Always use a spell check program or better yet, consult a professional writer.
9. Readability.Organize your thoughts in a clear, concise manner. Avoid writing in a style that is fragmented or long winded.
10. Appearance and Presentation.Don’t deviate too much from the standard resume format in order to avoid being trashed due to difficulty in reading.
11. Portray yourself as someone who is active and gets things done. Do this by beginning sentences with action verbs.
12. Use headlines.They really work. Headlines permit the reader to skim through your resume and reach the areas that they are interested in quickly.

Monday, July 26

There is always a better way...

A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet.  He held up a sign which said: " I am blind, please help"

A man was walking by.  He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by will see the new words.

Soon the hat began to fill up. Lot more people were giving money to the blind boy.

That after noon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were.

The boy recognized his footsteps and asked, "Were you the one who changed my sign  this morning?  What did you write?"

The man said, "I only wrote the truth.  I said what you said but in a different way."

What he had written was: "Today is a beautiful day and I cannot see it."

Do you think the first sign and the second sign were saying the same thing?

But the first sign simply told people to help by putting some money in the hat. The second sign told people that they were able to enjoy the beauty of the day, but the boy could not enjoy it because he was blind.

Should we be surprised that the second sign was more effective?

There are at least two lessons we can learn from this simple story.

The first is, "Be thankful for what you have.  Someone else has less.  Help where you can."

The second is, "Be creative, Be innovative, Think  differently THERE IS ALWAYS A  BETTER WAY!"

Quite True...

Jone's Motto:
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Terman's Law of Innovation:
If you want a team to win the high jump, you find one person who can jump seven feet, not seven people who can jump one foot each.

* O'brien's Variation:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

* Conway's Law:
In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.

* The Peter Principle:
In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence. Work is accomplished by those employees who have not reached their level of incompetence.

* H.L.Mencken's Law:
Those who can, do. Those who cannot teach

* Martin's Extension:
Those who can't teach, administer

* Belani's Extrapolation:
Those who cannot even administer, become consultants.

* Lieberman's Law:
Everybody lies; but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

* Kovac's Conundrum:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

* Van Herpen's Law:
The solving of the problem lies in finding the solvers.

* Ruby's Principle of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

* Young's Law:
Great discoveries are made by mistake.

* Kin Hubbard
A good listener is usually thinking about something else

* One Anonymous Great Seer's Law :
Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.

Sunday, July 25

Love and .....

A long time ago, before the world was created and humans set foot on it, God had put all the human "qualities" in a  separate room.

Since all the qualities were bored they decided to play hide & seek.
"Madness" was one of the qualities and he shouted: "I want to count, I want to count!"

And since nobody was crazy enough to want to seek  "Madness", all theother qualities agreed. So "Madness" leaned against a tree and started to count: "One, two,three..."

As "Madness" counted, the qualities went hiding.
"Treason" hid in a pile of garbage..  "Lie" said that it would hide under a stone, but hid at the bottomof the lake.

And Madness continued to count "... seventy nine, eighty, eighty one..."
By this time, all the qualities were already hidden except "Love ".For  stupid as "Love" is, he could not decide where to hide. And this should not surprise us, because we all know how difficult it is to hide "Love".

"Madness": "...ninety five, ninety six, ninety  seven..."  Just when "Madness" got to one  hundred........."Love" jumped into a rose bush where he hid.

And Madness turned around and shouted: "I'm coming, I'm coming!"
As Madness turned around, "Laziness" was the first to be found, because "Laziness" was too lazy to hide. "Madness"  searched madly and found "Lie" at the bottom of the lake. One by one, Madness found them all except Love. Madness was getting desperate, unable to find Love.
Envious of Love, "Envy" whispered  to "Madness" "You only  need to find Love, and Love is hiding in the rose bush."

"Madness" Jumped on the rose bush and he heard loud cry.  The thorns in the bush had pierced "Loves" eyes.
Hearing the commotion God came into the room and saw what had happened. He got very angry and  cursed "Madness" and said since "Love" has become blind because of u  ...u shall always be with him"

And so it came about that from that day on, "Love is blind and is always accompanied by Madness!"

The Nine Muses

I named my blog as Muses of Life, but, I was intrested in knowing the original meaning of Muses and a search on net revealed this...

The Nine Muses are the Greek goddesses of inspiration, learning, the arts, and culture. According to Hesiod's Theogony, Zeus lay with Mnemosyne ("Memory") for nine days, and she gave birth to the Muses, who rejoice in their bright dancing places on Mount Helicon -- "nine voices united in one song." Their companions are the Graces and Desire, and their leader is Apollo, the god of music and harmony.


I am not sure now how far the title suits the blog. Now, time to rename this....

And for all those people who have been going over this blog, can u please suggest????

Thursday, July 22

Managers V/S Engineers

Group of Managers were given the assignment to measure the height  of flagpole. So the Managers go out to the flagpole with ladder and tape measures.They're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures the whole thing is just a mess.An Engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground,lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.After the Engineer has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like an engineer! We're looking for height and he gives the Length" 

Moral: No matter what good you do, Managers can always find fault in Engineers.  

Wednesday, July 21

Meeting God...

There once was a little boy who wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with cupcakes, several cans of root beer and started on his journey.

When he had gone about three blocks, he saw an elderly woman. She was sitting on a park bench watching the pigeons. The boy sat down next to her and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed the lady looked hungry so he offered her a cupcake. She gratefully accepted and smiled at him.

Her smile was so wonderful that he wanted to see it again, so he offered a root beer as well. Once again she smiled at him. The boy was delighted!

They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling without saying a word.

As it began to grow dark, the boy realized how tired he was and wanted to go home. He got up to leave but before he had gone no more than a few steps, he turned around and ran back to the old woman, giving her a big hug. She gave him her biggest smile ever.

When the boy arrived home his Mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked, "What has made you so happy today?" He replied, "I had lunch with God." Before his mother could respond he added, "You know what? She's got the most beautiful smile in the whole world!"

Meanwhile, the old woman, also radiant with joy, returned to her home. Her son was stunned by the look of peace on her face. He asked, "Mother, what has made you so happy today?" She replied, "I ate cupcakes in the park with God." And before her son could reply, she added, "You know, he is much yoounger than I expected."
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring; all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

Take no one for granted and embrace all equally with joy!

Friday, July 16

A Touching Story....

One of the most touching and purest love story I've read in a while..

From the very beginning, girl's family objected strongly on her dating this guy, saying that it has got to do with family background, & that the girl will have to suffer for the rest of her life if she were to be with him.

Due to family's pressure, the couple quarrelled very often. Though the girl loved the guy deeply, she always asked him: "How deep is your love for me?"

As the guy is not good with his words, this often caused the girl to be very upset. With that & the family's pressure, the gal often vents her anger on him. As for him.. he only endured it in silence.

After a couple of years, the guy finally graduated & decided to further his studies overseas. Before leaving, he proposed to the gal: "I'm not very good with words. But all I know is that I love you. If you allow me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life. As for your family, I'll try my best to talk them round. Will you marry me?"

The girl agreed, & with the guy's determination, the family finally gave in & agreed to let them get married. So before he left, they got engaged.

The gal went out to the working society, whereas the guy was overseas, continuing his studies. They sent their love through emails & phone calls. Though it was hard, but both never thought of giving up.

One day, while the gal was on her way to work, she was knocked down by a car that lost control. when she woke up, she saw her parents beside her bed. She realized that she was badly injured. Seeing her mum cry, she wanted to comfort her. But she rea! lized that all that could come out of her mouth was just a sigh. she had lost her voice....

The doctor says that the impact on her brain has caused her to lose her voice. Listening to her parents' comfort, but with nothing coming out from her, she broke down. During the stay in hospital, besides silent cry.. it's still just silent cry that accompanied her. Upon reaching home, everything seems to be the same. Except for the ringing tone of the phone which pierced into her heart everytime it rang. She does not wish to let the guy know & not wanting to be a burden to him, she wrote a letter to him saying that she does not wish to wait any longer.

With that, she sent the ring back to him. In return, the guy sent millions & millions of reply and countless phonecalls.. all the gal could do besides crying is still crying.... T! he parents decided to move away, hoping that she could eventually forget everything & be happy. With a new environment, the gal learnt sign language & started a new life.

Telling herself everyday that she must forget the guy. One day, her friend came & told her that he's back. She asked her friend not to let him know what happened to her. Since then, there wasn't anymore news of him.

A year has passed & her friend came with an envelope, containing an invitation card for the guy's wedding. The gal was shattered. When she opened the letter, she saw her name on it instead. When she was about to ask her friend what was going on, she saw the guy standing in front of her....

He used sign language to tell her, "I've spent a year to learn sign language. Just to let you know that I've not forgotten our promise. Let me have the! chance to be your voice. I Love You." With that, he slipped the ring back into her finger. The gal finally smiled......

Treat every relationship as if it's the last one, then you'll know how to Give.

Treat every moment as if it's the last day, then you'll know how to Treasure.

Treasure what you have right now, or else you may regret one day...

Teenager and ...

Hey, got the below text through a mail and thoght of posting it ehre. No offence meant.

Hi group,got this file from a friend,i find it so interesting ,so let me share it to all teenagers out there ..NO OFFENSE ok :) just enjoy reading it...For all of you with teenagers or who had teenagers, you may want to know why they really have a lot in common with cats:

1. Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.

2. No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot.

3. You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents.

4. Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your cat nor you teen will ever crack a smile.

5. No cat or teenager shares your taste in music.

6. Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing.

7. Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they did.

8. Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating that ultimate human ecstasy -- a sense of complete and utter boredom.

9. Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone's furniture.

10. Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known to return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom.

Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior. Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best sources of advice are not other parents, but veterinarians. It is also a good idea to keep a guidebook on cats at hand at all times. And remember, above all else, put out the food and do not make any sudden moves in their direction.

When they make up their minds, they will finally come to you for some affection and comfort, and it will be a triumphant moment for all concerned....

Anagrams - Some wonders

An Anagram, as you all know, is a word or phrase made by transposing or rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. The following are exceptionally clever. Someone out there either has way too much time to waste or is deadly at Scrabble. When you rearrange the letters:

Dormitory .................................. Dirty Room
Evangelist................................. Evil's Agent
Desperation.............................. A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code..................... Here Come Dots
Slot Machines......................... Cash Lost in 'em
Animosity................................ Is No Amity
Mother-in-law..........................Woman Hitler
Snooze Alarms........................ Alas! No More Z's
Alec Guinness......................... Genuine Class
Semolina................................... Is No Meal
The Public Art Galleries......... Large Picture Halls, I Bet
A Decimal Point...................... I'm a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes.................... That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two..................... Twelve plus one
Contradiction......................... Accord not in it

Facts of life that I learnt....

1)I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
2)I've learned it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
3)I've learned that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.
4)I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do but to the best you can do.
5)I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heart ache for life.
6)I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
7) I've learned that it's lot easier to react than it is difficult to think.
8)I've learned that either you control your attitude or its controls you.
9)I've learned that sometimes the people you can expectto kick you when you're down will
be the ones to help get back up.
10)I've learned that sometime when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that does'nt
give me the right to be cruel.
11)I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
12)I've learned that how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop your grief.
13)I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other . And just because they don't argue,it doesn't mean they do.
14)I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
15)I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pain.
16)I've learned that although the word "love" can have many different meanings, it loses value when overly used.

Thursday, July 15

Frying Eggs

The wife was busy frying eggs, when her husband came home. He walked into the kitchen and immediately started yelling.

The wife was very upset, "What is wrong with you? Why are you yelling like this? Do you think I don't know how to fry an egg?"

The husband calmly replied, "This is to show you what it feels like for me when I am driving and you sit next to me..."

Some calls for TEch Support Guys

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "Send" key.

4. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his bathtub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "Bad and an invalid." The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer." The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer-but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button.

Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happened." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse...

8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen.

When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, "What power switch?"

9. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn't even fit it in..."

The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" implied removing Disk 1 first.

10. A story from a Novell NetWare SysOp:

CALLER: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
TECH: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
CALLER: "The cup holder on my PC is broken -and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
TECH: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
CALLER: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
TECH: "Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
CALLER: "It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and it had snapped it off the drive.

11. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under windows."

The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine."

12. And last but not least:

TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."

CUSTOMER: "I don't have a 'P'".
TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?"
TECH SUPPORT: " 'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "I'm not going to do that!"

Saturday, July 10

Did you know...???

The average chocolate bar has 8 insect legs in it.

A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair.

The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.

A polar bear's skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear.

Elvis had a twin brother named Garon, who died at birth, which is why Elvis' middle name was spelled Aron; in honor of his brother.

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.

Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

Shakespeare invented the word "assassination" and "bump".

If you keep a goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people do.

The sentence "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter in the English language.

Typewriter is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard.

If the population of China walked past you single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

A snail can sleep for three years.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

The longest word in the English language in 1909 letters long and it refers to a distinct part of DNA.

If Barbie were life-size her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human's neck.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

No word in the English language rhymes with month.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.

The most common name in the world in Mohammed.

Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months, and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

Americans eat an average of 18 acres of pizza every day.

Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.

You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.

The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

Polar bears are left handed.

The catfish is the animal with the most taste buds - 27,000.

A cockroach will live 9 days without its head before it starves to death.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Starfish don't have brains.

The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood 30 feet.

A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

On average people fear spiders more than they do death.

In ancient Egypt, Priests plucked every hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, and can pull 30 times its own weight.

The flea can jump 350 times its body's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body.

The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm home. What the....")

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

A cat's urine glows under a blacklight.

Marilyn Monroe had six toes.

The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.

In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.

In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.

The first toilet ever seen on television was on "Leave it to Beaver".

In the great fire of London in 1666, half of London was burnt down but only 6 people were injured.

The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan".

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a bellybutton.

A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 yrs.

People Do Not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.

When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop even your heart!

Only 7% of the population are lefties.

40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute...

The average person over fifty will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.

The toothbrush was invented in 1498.

The average housefly lives for one month.

40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.

A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.

The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.

Eating breakfast cereals like "Fruity Pebbles" and "Cap'n Crunch" will cause your stools to come out green.

Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than the rest of the day.

About 20% of all adults in the US have or have had a cockroach that called their inner ear canal HOME.

The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.

Among the music catalogs that Michael Jackson owns the rights to is the South Carolina State anthem.

If all the veins in your body were laid end-to-end, you'd be dead.

In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.

Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane just in case there is a crash.

The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can for a carburetor.

Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women who give birth.

Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana.

If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola it would be green.

Wednesday, July 7

Quality in Life

My wife works for a CMM level5 organization.We woke up at 6 AM this morning and things got off to a pretty rough start right away. She asked me "What time is it dear?". I told her it was 5 AM on 5/05/ 2005 - to which she looked terribly worried.

"Why?? What is wrong?"

"You see, yesterday we decided to wake up at 5.30 AM and it is only 5 AM now!!"

"So what?" I asked very innocently.

"What kind of an organization do you work for? Quality is in my blood. People working in a CMM level 5 organization will tell you what implications this can have on our day and our life!!. We need to do a CAUSAL ANALYSIS for this blunder right away".

I tried to take the 'knowledge-free common-sense approach' and told her "The reason is very obvious. Power supply went off by 6 AM and the mosquitoes and the Chennai heat / moisture woke us up.. hee.. hee"

"Shut up" she said. "You people are always looking for an excuse, putting the blame on others. Why don't you take some OWNERSHIP and do something about it? OK. The power went off. Did you at least call the electricity board?"

Before I could ask what she had done about it, she shot off to the kitchen to make coffee. I went in to the kitchen with a request "Dear, I know we had decided that today was my turn to cook, but my bike has not been washed for the last 2 weeks as I was busy entertaining guests for the marriage.

Can you please cook today as I get my bike cleaned?". She gave a very considerate _expression and said "No probs! Just raise a CHANGE REQUEST in the IHMS and carry on".

"IHMS?? What IHMS ?" I asked. "Oh! You do not know this stuff. I have to teach you everything ... People working in our organization use an 'Integrated Home Management System' to organize our personal lives. You can see it in the PC in the living room. It is pretty straight forward. Even YOU can use it?

BTW, it is even web enabled and you can do this work from your office too".

I had had enough. I simply did what she said without uttering a word. As I sat to have breakfast, she brought some Idly with all the love in the world. I was pleased. "My marriage will not break after all" I thought to myself as I tasted it ... and.. it tasted terrible. I almost broke my teeth trying to take a bite... and asked her "You call this Idly?"

She put this 'I know it all' look and said "I know you people raise such issues. That is why I have a DOCUMENTED PROCEDURE to make idlys. Look .. it has even been reviewed and approved by YOUR Mom... and I have once again documented everything I did this morning... even the quantity of salt I added.. can you find anything wrong with this?" she asked... showing off all her documentation.

"I certainly cannot find anything wrong with your documentation, but can find a lot wrongs in the Idly you have made" I thought to myself and headed for work.

Hardly had I switched on my machine at work when I had to pick up the phone. "I am your wife calling and I have some big news for you". 'Not again' I thought.

"CMM people have come up with a new level. It is called level 6. Our company is planning to be level 6 certified by 06/06/2006. How great .....right??"

"Look my dear wife!" I told her. "I have news for you too. RMG has allocated me to an undisclosed project in an undisclosed location for .....err... indefinite duration..!"


"The only information I could gather was that I have to travel ALONE.."

Gender of Computer

A French teacher was explaining to her College class that in French, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. House is feminine "la maison." Pencil is masculine-"le crayon." A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups - male and female - and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender (la computer) because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheque on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine (le computer) because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

Tuesday, July 6

Customer, Waiter, Postmaster......

Customer Vs Waiter

Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Sit down, sir,we serve anyone.

Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter?

Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes Sir, they are not very good swimmers.

Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right, Sir, he won't drink much.

Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

Customer : What's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter : I wouldn't know, Sir,I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.

Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But why aren't you laughing?

Customer Vs PostMaster

Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Penang in two days time?
Post Master: Well it might do.
Customer: I bet you, it won't.
Post Master: Why not?
Customer: It's addressed to Johor.

Waiter Vs Customer

Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.

The new Indian railway will .... No Offence Meant....

The new Indian railway will ....
1. re-introduce steam locos - to boost coal industry in Bihar.

2. dismantle the reservation system, all seats will be open to janata,no more reservations by upper cast and rich people.

3. a/c coaches will be abolished, a/c s will be auctioned in chhapra.

4. shatabdi expresses to be renamed as rabri devi express.

5. 10 new trains to be introduced from different parts of bihar to patna.

6. all double lines to be reduced to single track to cut costs - the rails, sleepers etc to be auctioned in muzzaffarpur.

7. samjhota express will run from patna to peshwar, however it will be converted to a goods train to carry fodder.

8. new maha bhoj - litti and sattu - to be served in all luxury trains - palace on wheels, deccan odyssey etc.

9. re-zoning of railways: north bihar, south bihar, north eastern bihar, central bihar, east bihar, south bihar, res! t of India - these will be new zones.

10. next of kin of all people who die in train accidents will be given a job in railways, no more rail board exam or wastage of public money.

11. any driver who dies in a train accident will not be allowed to Drive any more for public safety.

12. every village in India will have a railway station by 2007 -constructions to start soon.

13. free tickets for farmers.

14. de-electrification of major lines to save power. Local trains in Mumbai Kolkata Chennai and delhi to run on steam too.

15. special "Gaai-bhains" express for transporting domestic animals,who have been neglected by the fundamentalist govt.

16. there will be no ticket checkers in train, that shows the new govt trusts the people.

Thank you

Lalloo Parsad Yadav